“Hey.  Excuse me.  Have you seen my man?  He’s about this tall.  He got a little mustache.  Well, I don’t really know how to describe him, but he’s so handsome.  Wait, I know what he SMELLS like.  He smells like astral aspirations and grand phenomenal expectations, like newsworthy outcomes called forth by the ancestors’ drums.  Everything that I need to survive, that don king that keeps hope alive.  I can remember his breath.  Damn…  He smells like my favorite chocolate.  You know how the good chocolate smells, like it’s smooth, like it’s got some kind of cream in it.  It’s not too sweet, with a little bit of a bite to it.  I know, girl, he’s got some really nice lips.  Well, I don’t remember what they look like, but they feel like butter dipped rose petals, the red ones.  Never mind, you not feeling me.  I’ll just go look for him myself.  Can I borrow your flashlight?  What?  Excuse me.  I know it’s still daylight.  I wear glasses though.  I can’t hardly see.  Anyway…”

Where is my phone?  “Hello.  Is this information?  Listen, I need a phone number.  Yeah, no, I don’t know his last name.  Nah, I’m not sure how to spell his first name.  Ok, listen, you are asking too many questions.  I’m just trying to find him in case, well, so he won’t forget about me.  Never mind, but if somebody calls looking for me will you give them my number?  My number is 343-84-057.  My address is 13 Lower.  Oh and my name is Claudia.  That’s C-L-A-U-D-I-A and Shivers, like you’re cold.  And I have a website too.  Just tell him for me though.  Ok.  Thank you.”

I’m already in the car.  I might as well ride by his house.  I’m not a stalker though.  It was dark when I went the last time, but I feel like I’ll know it if I see it.  Alright, let me slow down.  Where are my glasses?  Never mind.  I can see well enough.  Ok, this is block 400… 500… 600, it’s around here somewhere.  I think that’s it right there.  Yeah, I think that’s it.  I’m just gonna get out and check.  How many houses have these kinds of flags in the yard anyway?  This has to be it.  I’m getting out.

“Hey.  I’m just trying to see is my man here.  Well, he ain’t my man, but… Can I just come in?  Wait, who is that back there? Behind you?  You know who I’m talking about.  Just turn around.  Bae! Bae!  It’s me.  I’ve been looking for you.  Tell him to let me in.”

“Hey babe.  Can we just go in your room?  I think I left something.  It was, well, you got some of that whatever you had the last time I was here?  I need it.  It was dope man, it was so dope man.  It felt like candy, like dark, honey, chocolate candy on my gums.  When I swallowed some of it went in my nose and now my nose is open.  Can I get a tissue? 

I think it’s in my veins.  Look at my arm.  Come on Zaddy, you got it, stop being selfish.  I would give it to you if I had it.  Just give me a little bit.  I came all the way over here to get it.  I’m chasing it, that, that up in the clouds, I’m a beast smoke you keep blowing in my ear.  It sort of smells like gas.  No, I don’t have a problem.  I can quit at any time.  It’s just, well, when I get it I feel so fly, like a bird in the sky.  Ohh Papi, that’s it.  Thank you…. I’m just gone lie back for a minute.  It’s so good.  I’m on the clouds, I love these clouds.  Oh, dang, I got something on your covers.  Sorry about that.  I’ll get it up.  I didn’t mean for you to see that anyway.  That’s just my vulnerabilities, insecurities, and intricate defense barriers that I built up over time.  I’ll get it up.  You don’t have to worry about it.  I’ll keep it in my bag until it starts to hurt my back.  I’m good.  I can control myself.  I’m about to leave.  Can I just get it one more time?  What did you say it was called?  Unconditional Love and Benevolent Acceptance…” 

Author: Claudia L. Shivers

I am a Mom. A grandmother. An entrepreneur. A Social Justice Advocate. A Community Leader. A Social Capital Builder. A Truth Teller.

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